Long before I started my journey down the path of conventional thyroid medicine, I had a wild, wonderful, fantabulous idea that I was going to heal myself 100% naturally. I was sure all I needed was the right nutrition, a few supplements and a positive attitude. You see, my body has been my very own science experiment for years as I have diagnosed myself and found a way to heal whatever ailment I may have. My mad scientist approach had worked out pretty well on that surface level stuff but that thyroid issue was always lurking below, waiting to surface. Like Jaws.
Eventually I reached a point where I just couldn’t seem to get any traction in managing my growing list of symptoms. This list began to form into basically a checklist for hypothyroidism. I seemed to have ’em all. I found a website where I could order my own lab tests. I did a complete thyroid panel and low thyroid was confirmed. Hubby said doctor. I said no way. Heated discussion ensued. We compromised. I had six months to feel better on my own or off to the doctor I would go. I channeled my inner
mad scientist healer and got a bottle of thyroid support vitamins. The road to pill city had been paved and little did I know but I was just getting started.
Fast forward six months and I am sitting in the doctor’s office, handing her a tear-stained list of the variety of supplements I am now taking. She adds a few more and sends me home with a cortisol saliva test.
Three weeks later I make my first appearance at the pharmacy. Rather than the creepy drug dealers I expected, they are nice which is good because I would become a regular. As I mentioned in my last post, I felt fear around the decision to take conventional medicine. That fear has now transformed into gratitude and an opportunity to let go of a story I was clinging tightly to. However, it was not easy at first. Between the prescriptions and the supplements, I take something 5-6 times per day. I felt like a patient, so helpless, so powerless. I had graduated to using those plastic pill case strips that organize your pills for the week and I needed more than one to handle my daily load. As I take some pills midday, I had to carry the plastic pill strips with me wherever I went, only reminding me of how terrible I felt. I resented my medicine. How was I to get healthy if I resented my medicine?
One day my wise husband gave me a beautiful little wooden box that was big enough for my midday pills and small enough to slip into my pocket. This was a turning point for me. A little wooden box became a way for me to feel less like a patient. I have something special to put my medicine in, something that makes me smile. This is all it took for me to begin to find acceptance in where I was in my healing process. I realized that this simple reframing could be applied to anything that I had created resistance around. Making something a bit more visually beautiful resulted in a shift in perspective. I even dressed up the plastic pill strips with rainbow stickers. I now take my pile of pills consciously with the intention of healing. I’m realizing that there are so many opportunities to experience awareness and to choose how to respond to the feelings that are present. It took a little wooden box to teach me this lesson.
I was kayaking the other day, wooden box in my pocket as always. I hit an area of rough water, my boat flipped over and I found myself in the river up to my chest. In my scramble to get back into my boat, I completely forgot about my box. A little later, back in my boat and headed down the river, my little wooden box floated up right next to me. My guardian angels had returned it! I love that box. It is a symbol and reminder that I have accepted my illness and am on the path to wellness.